Father of the Caribbean
by Bronze Cat
Summary: Written for Father's Day! The crew are approached by an army of Jack's children, led by the formidable Aurora. Ye be warned, Mary Sue is loose on the High Sea! Please R


**Hello! I wrote this for Father's Day which is today, here in the UK. If it is in your country too then Happy Father's Day. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer- I do not own Pirates of the Caribbean, the characters or anything. Even Aurora came slithering out of some dark hole by herself. :)**

"Right lads! Hoist the sail and we'll be on our way!" Barbossa roared. With an incredible amount of grumbling, the pirates picked themselves up and staggered to their posts.

Jack sidled up to Barbossa.

"I thought I was the captain, savvy? And as having the burden of captain bestowed upon my weary shoulders, I feel that I should be giving the orders," he said. Barbossa glowered out at him from under his hat.

"Jack, ye've been trying to assert your authority for two years now. When will ye finally accept that this fine ship of mine is exactly that, mine!"

Jack swelled with anger. He opened his mouth to retort.

"I say! Excuse me?" a voice called from the dock. Gibbs leaned over the side of the ship to see a very large group of children staring up at the Pearl. They were of various ages, the oldest being a spindly lad of about nineteen and the youngest a chubby baby being clutched by a wide-eyed eight-year old.

"Yes? How might I be of service?" he said. The oldest lad grinned.

"I am looking for a Captain Jack Sparrow?" he called. Jack joined Gibbs and swore colourfully. People clapped hands over the ears of various toddlers in the crowd.

"Please Father! Desist from swearing in front of your children!" the lad said. By now, most of the crew were staring down at the dock.

"My children?" Jack said. The army of children nodded. Jack snorted derisively. "I have been with many a wench in my time but not nearly enough to... make all of you," he said, waving at them.

"Nay, Father! I assure you, we are your flesh and blood!" a girl called. Jack turned to Barbossa.

"Hector! Have I had too much rum and am therefore dreaming in my bunk in an alcohol-sodden stupor?"

Barbossa grinned horribly.

"Alas no, Jack. This is very real," he said. Jack turned back to the brood.

"Who told you that I was you father? Your... assorted mothers?"

"No Father!" the lad replied. A serene expression came over the face of every child. Excluding the ones holding smaller children, they clasped their hands to their breasts. "It was our glorious sister! She searched long and far to gather us all and deliver us unto your patriarchal bosom!" he announced.

"My what!" Jack said. The crowd of youngsters appeared to be parting at the back. Somebody was moving forward. The children started to sway from side to side and moan reverently. The final few children split and a girl of about sixteen stepped forward. As she warmly took the hands of the front lad, Jack noticed that she had a hat identical to his. No-one, potential child or not, was allowed to have a hat like his. She even had a red head scarf on underneath.

She turned to face them, and the pirates felt as if a ray of sunlight was exclusively shining on them.

The children all sighed happily.

"Hello at last! My darling Father, we have found you!" she said, stretching her arms out towards the ship. Her eyes were a vivid blue, the colour of the deepest swell of water on the high seas. Her hair was a beautiful blonde, as bright and as rich as a cornfield. Her high cheeks were dusted with a sweet rosy colour that made her look almost cherubic-

Jack blinked a few times. This was not an internal monologue. He turned and saw Ragetti, swaying slightly like the children and burbling loudly. His good eye was almost popping out and froth was falling from the corner of his mouth.

"I think Mr Ragetti needs to spend a little time below deck," Barbossa said, eyeing the pirate carefully. Pintel gripped his cohort by the elbow and attempted to lead him off.

"Her lips are perfectly shaped and a pale pink! Her clothes hang on her properly, every curve is accentuated!" Ragetti yelled. Pintel shoved him down the companionway. Ragetti's head popped up.

"Her smile is like a summer's day! Her beauty is a shining beacon-" he shouted. Pintel grabbed him and shoved him down again. The girl on the dock clapped a hand to her mouth. Behind her, the children all did the same.

"Oh, that poor man! Is he OK?" she trilled.

"Pardon me for asking lass, but who exactly are you?" Barbossa demanded. She smiled prettily. The children all slowly sat down and stared adoringly up at their sister. She took a breath. A deep breath. A very, very deep breath.

"My name is Aurora Belinda Cassandra Delphina Evangeline Fatima Georgina Harriet Iguana Jacqueline Kristiana Louise Mary Natalie Ophelia Patricia Quentin Roberta Sue Thalia Ursula Violet Wilhelmina Xana Yvonne Zoe Reallia Longa Stupida Name Sparrow!" she announced.

"...Iguana?" Barbossa said slowly. She dramatically placed a hand to her forehead.

"Alas poor me! Oh, woe me! To be cursed with a name so long! And so..." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "Unusual."

"And with my surname," Jack added. "Which wench in particular would your mother be?"

She looked appalled.

"You do not remember her?" she yelped. Her siblings once again clapped their hands to their mouths.

"I have been with many a lady in my time and on most of these occasions I have not been sober, savvy?" Jack explained.

"But you could not forget her! She was the Queen of the Mermaids! A beautiful nymph of the sea!" Aurora gabbled.

"I ain't never been with a fish-lady!" Jack said defensively. The crew behind him grinned.

"You have! I insist you have!" she cried. The children nodded ferociously.

"You have, you have!" they chorused.

"You had your way with her and then you left her! She bore me, afraid and alone and she confessed to me who my father was with her dying breath!" she wailed. "She was caught in a fisherman's net and died trying to escape! I attempted to aid her only to be caught by him. And then..."

She paused and half turned away. Her siblings were listening attentively, tears pouring down their faces.

"He had his wicked way with me," she whispered. "I was so ashamed! I prayed to the Goddess Calypso. She heard my prayers and freed me and transported me here to the Caribbean! I then started on my quest, to unite your children and bring them to you! Father, accept us!" she pleaded. The children turned and raised their arms towards Jack.

"Accept us!" they chanted.

Jack leant towards Barbossa.

"Are you quite certain that this is real?"

"I am beginning to have doubts," the older pirate admitted.

"I will prove I am your daughter!" she shouted, stamping her little foot. "I have been trained in the art of fencing by William Turner! I can match any man, including you!"

"How could she have been trained by Will if he's currently in the Otherworld? And bin with us, most times previously?" a crew member muttered.

"Dunno mate. How can she have Quentin as a middle name?" someone else replied.

"Suppose I did accept that you were me offspring, what then?" Jack demanded.

"Then we would accompany you on your journeying!" they announced as one.

Jack considered this. True, they were irritating as hell but one or two of them did look like they could be his. Also, he liked the idea of a family crew. The ship of Sparrows. With him as the Captain, overseeing the fruit of his loins at work. Yes, he liked that a lot.

Aurora and her minions stared up at him. He opened his mouth to welcome them onboard.

A loud gunshot reverberated through the air. Aurora fell backwards into her siblings, blood blossoming on her shirt. They cried out in horror and raised her body up, swaying backwards and forwards again.

Jack became aware of a foggy sensation between his ears. He shook his head to try and clear it. He wasn't the only one.

"Thank ye kindly Jack!" Barbossa shouted. Jack the monkey grinned and brandished his master's pistol.

"Right me hearties, I suggest we get moving before those children down there swarm us to avenge their sister's death!" Barbossa continued. There was a mad scrambling to unfurl sails and haul on ropes.

Just as the ship started to move forward, there was a gasp of surprise from the dock. Aurora sat upright and stared around in wonder.

"It is a miracle!" exclaimed a brother. Barbossa pointed a gnarled finger nail at her.

"Jack! Shoot her again!"

The monkey obliged and she once again collapsed backwards. Her siblings returned to wailing and swaying wretchedly.

As they drew away from the dock, she once again returned to life. She broke free of her siblings and sprinted after the ship, stopping to teeter right on the lip of the dock.

"Father!" she called. "I will find you!"

"Oh no, you won't," a voice said quietly. Barbossa and Jack turned to look. A girl was sitting cross-legged on the deck, a heavy book on her lap and a pair of fake cat ears on her head. She pushed her glasses up with a finger and returned to chewing the end of her quill.

"Morning!" she said brightly through the quill. "Sorry about that, you've just had a run in with a rather nasty entity known as a Mary Sue. She escaped from my character vault this morning."

She scribbled something in the book. Behind them, they heard a loud explosion coming from the dock.

"Sue termination complete. The other children will shortly regain consciousness and return to their respective families," she muttered.

"How did you get on my ship?" Barbossa snarled. The girl looked over the top of her glasses.

"Oh, Temporal Shift resulting in Teleportation and Dimension jump," she said. "Magic," she sighed when they looked blank.

She got to her feet and stuck out an ink-stained hand. Jack shook it tentatively.

"Call me Bronze Cat. You get any more Sues, give me a shout. I've got to run, a Sue has popped up claiming to be Prince Caspian's younger sister in the Narnia world. Never get to stop!"

She turned to go.

"Wait a second! Mr Ragetti is down below spewing poetic phrases about her!" Barbossa yelled. She winced.

"Yeah, that is a side effect. I presume you will be wanting compensation?"

She flipped open the book and scribbled in it. There was a loud clink and the crew turned to see a vast amount of bottled rum sitting in the middle of the deck.

They either didn't notice the girl get off the ship or they were too drunk to remember how. And although Jack occasionally had run-ins with his actual children, he never again met Aurora or another Mary Sue. As far as he knew, anyway.


End file.
